The Scald

     The jubilant cries and coos echoing down Baron Francis Wit's dining halls belayed his assistant from informing him that the entertainment had arived. The lithe young woman persisted and tapped on the rotund lord's shoulder, until finally he twist to face her with such energy that his silver goblet slipped out of his hand and drenched the poor maid in his drink. Her modest white and blue robes now stained purple with wine. She shrieked and began to tremble, trying to squeeze the news out:

     "Sir th-the bard has arri-" Her sentence was cut short as the Baron once again spun to face the nobles gathered at his table.  "Oh course!" He exclaimed, "That hag has made it!" He began to lead his dinner guest into a bout of triumphant laughter, but promptly began weezing and coughing. The dinner guest seemed not to notice, but once an odd figure graced the doorway, the hysteria quickly settled into eerie silence as everyone turned towards the bard.

     She was easily 15 feet tall, more than half of which was composed of her legs. She carried three bag-pipes slung across her left shoulder, and delicatly gripped a simpl clarinet in her right hand. She hiked up her long skirt and tied it so it hung about knee high. Her feet were absent, replaced on one leg by a length of wooden board attached at the ankle, with several strings strung across it length wise. On her other legs, a similar wooden stake supported the bow to play the intrument. Manacled to her violin leg, was the animate skeleton of a monkey, clutching in its bony paws a small tin can. HEr face was hidden behind a thick, dark purple cowl, revealing nothing of her face and neck except cold, blue, pupiless eyes.

     The Baron seemed physically excited by the gasps the crowd produced. He stood up, noticeably cleared his throat, then announced:

     "Fair lords and ladies of my divine province, I present to you, the centerpiece of my annual feast, the heretical she-bard, the Scald!" Several dinner guests hesitantly clapped, and the creature laden with instruments presented a small, unenthuasiastic curtsy.

     The Scald began her presentation with a slow dreary song played with her ankle-violin. Due to the physical implications of this, she ended up balancing on the violin while her other leg, held at an odd, bowed angle, slid slowly back and forth, prying the sound from the string. The odd stance added to her unearthly appearance, and any human could not have maintained balance for so long.

     After the violin piece, she pulled her cowl off her head, to reveal her slender face. Blond hair was pulled back into a tight bun, and several neat gashes in the flesh of her long neck. She slowly fit the hooked mouthpieces of each bag-pipe into it's own individual slice, and then raised the clarinet to her mouth. However, instead of laying her thin lips upon it, she instead twisted her head upwards, revealing a second set of lips underneath her chin. This set seemed all to eager to play, and as soon as they touched the reed, they started a song, first a clarinet solo, but later the violin and bag pipes joined in, powered by air passing through her throat and out of the gashes in it.

     This song lasted 5 minutes before she stopped all sound, but kept the instruments in their ports. The simple but clean tunics that she wore over her torso began to rustle, before 4 more arms presented themselves dramatically. One held another, mor eproper violin, with the hand on the same side of the body grasping the bow. The other arms held a simple trumpet and french horn, whose barbed mouthpieces were placed into slits in the flesh inbetween her ribs. She continued the song, now with full intrumentations, and the skeltal monkey began to spring to life. It jumped on the table and ran to each dinner guest, shaking the can in their face, leaving only after a coin was placed in it. It did this to each guest in turn, until finally a stubborn lord refused. The Scald began to play a shrill sound through it's clarinet only, and the monkey proceeded to steal his drink, jump on th lords head, and poured the beverage into it's jaw. The liquid harmlessly passed through it's mandible and spilled on the lords elegant hat. The Scald then resumed playing the clarinets part, and the monkey continued gathering money. No one withheld it from him.

     As the song neared it's end, the monkey returned to the Scald, still balancing on one leg and expertly manipulating it's six arms. The final crescendo of her orchestra ended, and she slowly withdrew her etxtra limbs into her clothing. She stood, towering above the party, emotionlessly awaiting a reaction.

     The Baron stood, grasping the hand of his terrified maid and raising it into the air as he exclaimed:

     "Marveous! Simply marvelous. The witch has never played that anthem before!" The confused and scared dinne rguest slowly began to applaud, and at this, the Sclad turned, and walked out the the hall.

     After a struggle, the Baron let his maid go so she could change into a set of clothes not drenched in wine. He joined the applause, and once it was over, again spoke:

     "Lords and ladies, please, continue you supper, and if you enjoyed this, join me for a feast twice as large next year, where our wonderously eerie musician will again join us! She always does."